This month I had a painful reminder as to what I am striving for, it came as a little bit of a shock and somewhat jarred me into sorrow. I have been trying to get pregnant for a little over 2 years. For 2 years I have been relaxing myself, have a shit tone of sex and trying to remain positive. For the best part this has worked, I haven’t felt pressured or stressed out by this wonderful journey and have revealed in the moments. It has brought me closer to my husband and has taught me a lot about myself.
This episode however, this reminder seemed to knock all of the positivity out of my soul, you see for 2 years my period has been running like clockwork, whilst its always a sad moment when your period arrives I look on the bright side and remind myself…”at least I am having periods, my body is still working as it should”…This month however my period didn’t arrive. I was a little perplexed by this, but thought give it a few more days.
Day 3 came and my period still hadn’t arrived, I let myself get a little bit excited, to be honest I don’t think I could have stopped myself, I imagined myself with a little bump, I imagined myself and my husband walking in the park with a stroller and my home filled with laughter from all three of us. This perhaps was my downfall, being so regular with my period I hadn’t imagined it could simply be late.
Day 5 arrived and so did aunty flow! Crushed was an understatement, a sense of grief washed over me, like I had lost, but lost what, how can you lose something you never had in the first place, how can you feel grief over a simple image. I cursed myself for being so stupid in the first place, I doubt I am the only women who senses this kind of grief over a late period, whether trying to get pregnant or not.
Its amazing what trickery and heartache your mind can play on you, it’s been a couple of weeks since my period had ended and I feel I am mending from this so thought I would express myself in an open and honest way. I feel its important not to feel bad for feeling sad about these things and understanding its completely normal. As long as we don’t dwell in these feelings incidents like this can make us stronger and more prepared going forward.
I would love to know if anyone else has experienced this and how they felt?
Well, I hope you have an amazing day!